How to Forgive

A: Sometimes People Hurt Us

Feeling hurt by someone that you love and care for is painful. Most words cannot describe how angry you are, but it’s time to move on. The pain that you’ve faced in your life, are experiences that you don’t want to repeat. Think of this predicament as one that you don’t ever want to be in again. Think of this predicament as pain, that you don’t ever want to feel again. Forgiving someone who has hurt and betrayed you is possible, but are you ready?

B. Process What Caused Your Pain

The first step to forgiving someone who has hurt and betrayed you, is the will to forgive. Secondly, identify what caused you to get hurt. In this step, you’ll understand who you are and also your contribution into your own pain. That was painful to say, but it happens sometimes; We cause our own doom. 

Please read the following questions aloud and see how many “yes” are the answer.

  1. Were you in love with him/her?
  2. Did he/she love you back? 
  3. Did he/she show you that they loved you? 
  4. Did you have doubts about this person (or the situation)? 
  5. Did you try to force it work, even when in doubt? 
  6. Did he/she give up? 
  7. Did you give up? 
  8. Did you know him/her for more than 6 months? 
  9. Did you express your concerns to him/her?
  10. Did he/she show sympathy towards your concerns? 
  11. Did he/she try to change? Make it work? 

Yes, situations vary, however negative signs are often apparent. Choosing to ignore the truth, will often become our regret. 

Yes, you were hurt and betrayed by someone that you loved. However, you loved him/her, but they didn’t love you. From this point forward, only believe in someone’s actions, rather than their words. โ€‹

C. You Must Move on Without an Apology

Forgiving someone that hurt and betrayed you, is purposeful to your well-being. Moving on gives you another chance at love and trust. What happened in your previous relationship or friendship is over. Most times you won’t receive an apology, and if you do it’ll be, “If I hurt you, I’m sorry.” 

That’s not an apology and it should encourage you to believe: you deserve better. 

โ€‹You do not deserve anyone that cannot love, appreciate, or respect you. 

D. End the Wishful Thinking

Wishful Thinking is the wishing or imagining something would happen that isn’t exactly realistic. In times where you are wishful thinking, remember how it feels to be hurt and angry. The truth and the obvious can help prevent any pain and regret. Before you can forgive who hurt you, you must forgive yourself of all wishful thinking. 

To Self: I am sorry for putting you through this horrible fairy-tale. 

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